Twitter Twatter #89

The first half of September 2020 on Twitter:

pic.twitter.com/IKM0iv9oiH

— David Black (@Davetweetedthis) September 1, 2020

God bless The Daily Mail pic.twitter.com/C6AgTpwwMm

— Joe Mulrooney (@joeymuller) August 31, 2020

I wrote some of this. https://t.co/E8DHPMlQeB

— David Black (@Davetweetedthis) September 1, 2020

I appreciate that this was done for scale but it looks like she just ate all the meat on those bones and had to have a bit of a lie-down https://t.co/9O2elQ97eP

— Mottom's Magical Mummified Minge (@FleshlessArt) August 31, 2020

A little peak behind the scenes of the new series of All Creatures Great & Small which starts on @channel5_tv tonight - https://t.co/YS1vQtJX4L @screenyorkshire @Welcome2Yorks @yorkshire_dales @yorkshirepost @AmandaOwen8 @GrassingtonFest @BBCLookNorth

— Tom Holmes (@TomHolmes_Photo) September 1, 2020

The man who had read everything published today would be more stupid than a man who had read nothing. That’s not a good state of affairs. STEWART LEE

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) August 28, 2020

pic.twitter.com/DoS2Z39LNZ

— David Black (@Davetweetedthis) September 4, 2020

Did You Know?: Thingamabob, the word used to refer to or address a person or thing whose name one has forgotten, is short for Thingamarobert.

— David Black (@Davetweetedthis) September 6, 2020

The moment when the president of Serbia realized that he had committed to moving the Serbian embassy to Jerusalem https://t.co/R0lWGXcWea

— Antifa Intactivist (@OverproducedPMC) September 5, 2020

Tories blamed the fans for Hillsborough
Tories blamed the miners for Orgreave
Tories blamed Labour for the global financial crash
Tories blamed the firefighters for Grenfell
Tories blamed care homes for Covid-19 deaths.

And now the Tories blame young people for a 2nd wave.

— Freddie (@FreddieBailey96) September 7, 2020

Obituary: "...remove President Trump from office." #TrumpVirusDeathToll193K pic.twitter.com/Umna7k1DF2

— Peace Is Active (@peaceisactive) September 7, 2020

It took only 16 minutes for twitter to label this new ad as sensitive content. Please retweet it far and wide. pic.twitter.com/EY0BVxOcAP

— Adam Parkhomenko (@AdamParkhomenko) September 8, 2020

(Photo c/o @ChrisDWilliams) pic.twitter.com/rG3oUDR2Sp

— Pip (@pipmadeley) September 9, 2020

Keir Starmer was at Affleck's Palace?

— David Black (@Davetweetedthis) September 10, 2020

When is difficult to be certain because I can't make out the time on your watch, but where is definitely third from the left.

— David Black (@Davetweetedthis) September 10, 2020

any other year we wouldn’t need this reassurance pic.twitter.com/TcBxfQo4Bf

— Daisy Bard (@DaisyBard) September 4, 2020

https://t.co/2i2cQJMB36 pic.twitter.com/dnSvROW14E

— David Black (@Davetweetedthis) September 10, 2020

MY PANDEMIC INSPIRED MAKE UP TUTORIAL. ENJOY! xx pic.twitter.com/NUlQwq2o8Q

— machine gun Kele (@kelechnekoff) September 9, 2020

The plural of moose is mice.

— David Black (@Davetweetedthis) September 10, 2020

pic.twitter.com/JqwdKKC2o8

— David Black (@Davetweetedthis) September 11, 2020

pic.twitter.com/6MBW2xSNcr

— David Black (@Davetweetedthis) September 12, 2020

pic.twitter.com/WPllB7hp7s

— David Black (@Davetweetedthis) September 12, 2020

Stay classy. pic.twitter.com/UnDdJsB4qb

— David Black (@Davetweetedthis) September 13, 2020

Nominate the hospital staff of the world for the 2020 Nobel Peace Prize @NobelPrize #NobelPeacePrize - Sign the Petition! https://t.co/qVgk3qplEW via @UKChange pic.twitter.com/TwQ0xDZAMS

— David Black (@Davetweetedthis) September 13, 2020

I haven't written 155 of the articles nestled between the covers of this book. https://t.co/LMP9ol4AOx

— David Black (@Davetweetedthis) September 13, 2020

pic.twitter.com/FCnXmEvrYw

— David Black (@Davetweetedthis) September 14, 2020

https://t.co/AYq3kmP6YU pic.twitter.com/ILEGaTqLpS

— David Black (@Davetweetedthis) September 15, 2020

And now I want to see the whole thing adapted as a graphic novel... https://t.co/VfFOjccQS3

— David Black (@Davetweetedthis) September 17, 2020

Captive Pursuit, Babel, Threshold, Worst Case Scenario

— David Black (@Davetweetedthis) September 17, 2020

Stewart Lee's Comedy ̶V̶e̶h̶i̶c̶l̶e̶

I'm not in episode five of Stewart Lee's Comedy Vehicle, Religion, but I make a return in the last episode of the first series, Comedy.

Somehow Stewart Lee managed to forge on without me for a further three series until some fool cancelled the show. The subsequent Daveless series are also all available on the BBC iPlayer.

Stewart Lee's Global Financial Crisis

Another day, another episode of Stewart Lee's Comedy Vehicle. This time it's episode four, Global Financial Crisis, I have a more substantial role in this one. I speak actual words.

I am that vain, arrogant man.

Stewart Lee's Political Correctness

I'm not in Television, episode two of Stewart Lee's Comedy Vehicle, but don't that put you off, it's still very good. Then along comes episode three, Political Correctness. Again, I'm in this only really very fleetingly.

Stewart Lee's Toilet Books

Possibly to help in these days of self-isolation, every episode of Stewart Lee's Comedy Vehicle has been made available in the UK on the BBC iPlayer.

I went to see this TV show being recorded with my sister. When we arrived at the venue, I took our coats to the cloakroom while she found us some seats. As we separated I said "don't sit at the front", I walked into the main auditorium and discovered that she had sat right on the front row. When the lights went I was still very much illuminated. I find myself featured far more prominently than I had expected.


I'll do posts on the later episodes, that lead to me putting this show on my acting CV, but in the meantime, I make a couple of very fleeting appearances in the first episode, Toilet Books. Thats's not why you should watch it though. You should watch because it's very well observed, very funny and really hasn't dated much in the eleven years since it was first broadcast. You can watch it here.

I have no idea about watching it places other than the UK.

Twitter Twatter #50

October 2017 on Twitter

Zardoz?

— David Black (@Davetweetedthis) 2 October 2017

There's a lot of ground to cover...

— David Black (@Davetweetedthis) 3 October 2017

URGENT: Can all arseholes stop being arseholes for a bit. We’d like a break. Thanks in advance. Everyone.

— Channel 4 (@Channel4) 2 October 2017

Who cares if Kim Jong-un gets a nuke? Nukes don’t kill people, PEOPLE kill people.

... see how fucking stupid that sounds? #GunControl

— Bob Cunningham ❄ (@BCunningham215) 2 October 2017

When you get caught not concentrating and then have to over-compensate pic.twitter.com/McKsO8szpa

— Mark Smith (@marksmithcomedy) 4 October 2017

@ganymedetitan https://t.co/FbqhWaQE7W

— David Black (@Davetweetedthis) 8 October 2017

This is it. Nothing in 2017 will ever beat this. pic.twitter.com/xLy8Osae8o

— Heraa Hashmi (@caveheraa) 10 October 2017

I'm watching #LegionFX . I like it. It's what the #XMen films would have been like if they were directed by Wes Anderson. pic.twitter.com/DS4mDhkq7V

— David Black (@Davetweetedthis) 11 October 2017

He waved.

Unfortunately the sea waved back. pic.twitter.com/K9dJdYtM3A

— David Black (@Davetweetedthis) 11 October 2017

When you want to watch Young Frankenstein but Netflix for some reason gives you the subtitles from Lilo & Stitch. pic.twitter.com/LwsvV6kGdI

— Denizcan James (@MrFilmkritik) 11 October 2017

Five.
She saw the tanker.

Four.
The last of the oil sailed by.

Three.
She would make them listen.

Two.
She checked her watch.

One.
Boom. pic.twitter.com/fmlCx2loCg

— David Black (@Davetweetedthis) 12 October 2017

This floor is perfectly flat, designed to stop people running. AND COOL. pic.twitter.com/CGVjTF9LgP

— Jonny Mounsor (@JonnyMounsor) 13 October 2017

The fire broke out.

Tearing through the house leaving no stone unburned. Until it was free.

Now, it's out there. pic.twitter.com/vCxpnsjegu

— David Black (@Davetweetedthis) 14 October 2017

Worst sequel ever? pic.twitter.com/G1LT9TqUnn

— Kate Robbins (@KateRobbins) 14 October 2017

The rainbow twanged

The rainquiver lay empty

The rainarrow shot off into space beginning its infinite journey to brighten up the universe pic.twitter.com/OhqimpTJbD

— David Black (@Davetweetedthis) 15 October 2017

Ice Warrior chic? #DoctorWho pic.twitter.com/GicWAsx0CO

— David Black (@Davetweetedthis) 15 October 2017

That's not a good sign. He looks like he's been waiting a really long time.

— David Black (@Davetweetedthis) 17 October 2017

Pretty sure that copper is an auton.

— David Black (@Davetweetedthis) 17 October 2017

this is a contender for best pun ever pic.twitter.com/yG3C8kIEcN

— Guy - TLJ spoilers (@yeblod) 17 October 2017

Lily was starting to wonder whether this baptism thing was really worth all the hassle. pic.twitter.com/WNu8z9nO3h

— David Black (@Davetweetedthis) 17 October 2017

Stop your messing around pic.twitter.com/Sls0tOgYKv

— Sean Leahy (@thepunningman) 17 October 2017

I Only Have Eyes For I Only Have Eyes For You

— David Black (@Davetweetedthis) 19 October 2017

Absolutely

— David Black (@Davetweetedthis) 20 October 2017

Must be a real bad week in this town for both of them to be there pic.twitter.com/fTLrreXh0c

— Tyler Shields (@tylershields) 19 October 2017

He wept when he finally saw the sea. They'd trained for the surfing contest in the absence of water. The horse was always going to drown. pic.twitter.com/FvHLDLalus

— David Black (@Davetweetedthis) 21 October 2017

oh my god pic.twitter.com/TrklhybAcc

— Sally McSurly (@SallyMcSurly) 20 October 2017

Never mind. Tomorrow's Saturday! pic.twitter.com/pEgnqKvaB0

— Andrew-Mark Thompson (@Andydrewz) 20 October 2017

Man cannot live on beard alone.

— David Black (@Davetweetedthis) 22 October 2017

pic.twitter.com/m5nNRTugsO

— spankybackpack (@spankybackpack) 23 October 2017

Whoever did this is a damn genius. pic.twitter.com/htTVbET6c2

— Road Warrior Hawking (@JaimsVanDerBeek) 20 October 2017

Most ghosts are people who have died trying to put their duvet covers on.

— Marek Larwood (@MarekLarwood) 23 October 2017

The more photos of #RedDwarf fans with #LeopardLager bottles I see, the more disappointed I am that I couldn't get to a pub.

— David Black (@Davetweetedthis) 24 October 2017

I suppose I'll have to wait three million years to find out all the fuss about #LeopardLager is.

— David Black (@Davetweetedthis) 24 October 2017

Completely transfixed by this. What incredibly creative dramatic talent pic.twitter.com/RnFz1ze9nI

— Felicity Morse (@FelicityMorse) 22 October 2017

Writing in books is evil, but this made us smile. Via @westhehero pic.twitter.com/sacPe0ejxS

— Hull Libraries (@hull_libraries) 20 October 2017

She shivered.

There was definitely a chill in the air.

"I must be getting old", she sighed, "I remember when all this was green." pic.twitter.com/IHANuYf75P

— David Black (@Davetweetedthis) 24 October 2017

This will go down in the annals of dumb alt-right tweets as a true classic. It’s almost art. pic.twitter.com/X93RTc4Psx

— Stuart Ritchie (@StuartJRitchie) 24 October 2017

My copy of @ATBPublishing's #OutsideIn has arrived. I wrote some of this. I'm the one on the left. pic.twitter.com/WnFyhgmrus

— David Black (@Davetweetedthis) 25 October 2017

I vain, arrogant am

— David Black (@Davetweetedthis) 26 October 2017

"Remember that black student yesterday, the one on the front cover, who was attacking white authors? Yeah, we made that up. Sorry." pic.twitter.com/eaAx4l8HkT

— Nicholas Guyatt (@NicholasGuyatt) 26 October 2017

I was pretty excited to see @astro_timpeake's Soyuz re-entry capsule last night.

I was subtle though, I don't think he noticed me. pic.twitter.com/Sn3StvVe9Z

— David Black (@Davetweetedthis) 27 October 2017

A can of expanding foam went off on the shed and I'm now 6/4 on winning this year's Turner Prize. pic.twitter.com/lQNQeOW3fL

— JB (@JBwol) 26 October 2017

"Congratulations and welcome to puberty. This will restrict your intake of air and enforce unrealistic expectations of a feminine shape." pic.twitter.com/7Q6bcjGkqm

— David Black (@Davetweetedthis) 27 October 2017

This #Prometheus toy might just be the most bizarre thing I've seen today. pic.twitter.com/dcn4TCSGt7

— David Black (@Davetweetedthis) 27 October 2017

Winning Hallowe'en: animated Stranger Things Demogorgon costume #1yrago https://t.co/jvnyhJxIrg pic.twitter.com/QltXXTUIZO

— Cory Doctorow (@doctorow) 28 October 2017

Icelandic women walk off the job 14% early to protest 14% pay-gap #1yrago https://t.co/oHiYISmGqn pic.twitter.com/v3hn1lrWzr

— Cory Doctorow (@doctorow) 28 October 2017

@claytonhickman has truly enriched the world we live in. #NewYearsHonours pic.twitter.com/DucQEFAhmh

— David Black (@Davetweetedthis) 28 October 2017

It’s got to be “The Web of Fear” Part Three. Boy, do I feel guilty every time I load it into my 16mm projector. https://t.co/aIsGeYiJSl

— Dave Owen (@wavenode) 28 October 2017

1977 v 2017 pic.twitter.com/Uw8RJ0bUZY

— Mnrrnt & 112 others (@Mnrrnt) 28 October 2017

Still the best Halloween costume gag ever. pic.twitter.com/G1fNuFfxde

— Whedonesque (@whedonesque) 29 October 2017

A coral eating a shrimp! pic.twitter.com/b6XyF7bDyM

— Nature Is Weird (@NaturelsWeird) 28 October 2017

Hunt: “We don’t have enough nurses. Which is why we’ve removed bursaries for nurses.” #Marr

— David Schneider (@davidschneider) 29 October 2017

I’ve still got it. Video proof. pic.twitter.com/EwGj2fe4vu

— David Rowntree #FBPE (@DaveRowntree) 29 October 2017

WARNING: If you try spewing some “But Hillary...” bullshit on @JoyAnnReid’s show, she will serve you a piping-hot tray of your own ass, sliced thin.pic.twitter.com/WabLBXtSTi

— Jon Zal (@OfficialJonZal) 29 October 2017

More Stewart Lee Downstreaming Opportunities

Thank you to everyone who got in touch to point out that I have neglected a number of downstreaming options for Stewart Lee's Comedy Vehicle and those who, adorably, thought that I genuinely believed downstreaming was a thing.

In addition to Netflix, it's also on the Amazon, the iTunes and on YouTube as well, but not the normal YouTube, the YouTube you have to pay for.

Either way, the DVD will be cheaper.

Stewart Lee's Comedy Vehicular Access

Every few months someone will recognise me from Stewart Lee's Comedy Vehicle. It sounds astonishing after such a fleeting appearance. Initially, it meant that a run of repeats had begun on a succession of channels, slowly moving further away from BBC2 with the channel numbers going up and up. Channels I have never heard of.

More recently though, it's not because it's being broadcast. Instead because they are watching it online. Downloading it. Streaming it. Downstreaming it.

I wasn't entirely sure where, so I asked the latest person to mention it where they had seen it. Turns out it's on the Netflix.

Golden Years

Last night, Fifty Years Of BBC2 Comedy celebrated fifty years Of BBC2 comedy.

A talking heads-style documentary recounting anecdotes about the likes of Red Dwarf, Fawlty Towers, The Young Ones, The Day Today, The League Of Gentlemen, Knowing Me Knowing You With Alan Partridge, Big Train, M*A*S*H*, Open All Hours, Goodness Gracious Me, Shooting Stars, The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy, Porridge, Psychoville, Inside Number 9, Marion And Geoff, The Office, Extras, The Fast Show, Yes Minister, Yes Prime Minister, The Likely Lads, Miranda and Stewart Lee's Comedy Vehicle.

Astonishingly, one of the clips from Stewart Lee's Comedy Vehicle features yours truly for just less than a split second. This means that according to this programme, I have made a bigger contribution to BBC2's half century of comedy than Felix Dexter, Gregor Fisher, Richard Herring, Simon Munnery and Emma Fryer combined. Which is ridiculous.

The programme is available here to UK viewers for the next seven days or so depending on repeats.

Stewart Lee's Comedy Vehicle Is Back

Stewart Lee's Comedy Vehicle returns to our screens tonight at 11:20pm on BBC2...without me in it.

How will he manage?


I'm sure he'll be fine.

Stewart Lee's Comedy Vehicle's Optional Extras

In addition to six episodes covering issues as varied as Books, Television, Political Correctness, Credit Crunch, Religion & Comedy. The DVD also features:

= Audio Commentaries on all six episodes by Stewart Lee, Paul Putner & Kevin Eldon.

= Stewart Lee vs Armando Iannucci, six red button bits.

= Behind The Wheel, a 16 minute documentary concerning the making of Stewart Lee's Comedy Vehicle.

= Subtitles, which as tradition dictates run along the bottom of the screen, in what is apparently (and pointlessly) called a Chyron, and transcribe what is being said verbally in the medium of sound into the corresponding written word.

Stewart Lee's Comedy Vehicle on DVD

Stewart Lee's Comedy Vehicle (featuring yours truly) is available on shiny shiny disc at all good stockists from yesterday.


And probably some rubbish ones as well.

Stewart Lee's Comedy Passenger

Clunk clip, every trip.

Stewart Lee's Comedy Vehicle

I was in last night's episode of Stewart Lee's Comedy Vehicle. I am that Vain Arrogant Man.

Buckle up.


The show is available on the BBC iPlayer for the next seven days.