Wednesday, 28 September 2011

Ten Days 'Til Thirty

In ten days I will be thirty years old.

Here are another ten daysworth from the Evening Standard list of '30 Things To Do Before You're 30'.

Day 16
Drop your last E

No.

Evening Standard: "What seemed fun and "grown up" in your formative years will leave you tired - and possibly fired - in your thirties. Get it out your system while you can still cope with the hangover."

I'm sorted for E's and Wizz.


- - -

Day 17
Be a fashion victim

I have never been fashionable. Why start now?

ES: "What looks terrific when you're 21 will look tragic when you're 30. Indulge in flash-in-the-pan fashion trends while you still have the legs to do so."


- - -

Day 18
Heal a broken heart

Whose?

ES: "Understand the importance of a fully functioning, sanity-restoring relationship. What you wanted from love in your early twenties - fun and floppy hair - is no longer going to cut the mustard."

I don't understand. Am I suppose to apoligise to those whose hearts I've broken? Or am I meant to heal my own?


- - -

Day 19
Get married

Crikey.

ES: "Jemima Khan was just 21 when she embarked on her "starter marriage" with Imran Khan, Lily Allen had hit 26 and Kate Middleton was 29 when she tied the knot. Start dropping hints now - but make sure you've got the £20,000 it normally costs to make it happen."

What the flipping heck is a "starter marriage"? What happened to 'til death us do part? If Jemima, Lily and Kate are still married by the time they are forty/fifty/sixty/seventy/eighty/ninety then they may have made the right decision. I also can't imagine ever having a spare £20,000, but nor can I imagine spending a spare £20,000 on one day.


- - -

Day 20
Take it to the extreme

That just sounds like a very empty slogan.

ES: "Once you've climbed Everest, run a double marathon or done that sky dive you'll know you can push your body to its limit and still talk about it afterwards."

One marathon was enough for me.


- - -

Day 21
Write a book

Done.

ES: "Your expertise and ideas might be slim but you will never be as marketable again. Flaubert, Kafka, Fitzgerald, Updike and Walcott all pushed out classics before 30, so writing a decent tome is actually possible too."

I have written a book. It has yet to see the light of day in a physical printed sense, but I'm hopeful.


- - -

Day 22
Know who your friends are

I hope I do.

ES: "Your 783 Facebook friends have already been winnowed to 638. As the job eats away at social time, loyalty and similar interests replace "seemed nice/fit in the smoking area" as the criteria for staying in touch."

Well I have nowhere near either 783 or 638 Facebook friends, but I would resist the need for putting my friends in criteria.


- - -

Day 23
Learn to cook

I'm improving.

ES: "Still can't bake bread and struggling with b├ęchamel? Take a cookery course, like Pippa Middleton, because chances are you'll be entertaining from now on."

The Evening Standard seems obsessed by the Middletons. I can cook a bit, but I'm still better at defrosting.


- - -

Day 24
Learn a language

I'd love to improve my German.

ES: "Learning a foreign tongue when you're young is not only easier, it can also make you cleverer in other ways. Fewer than one in 10 British workers has managed it, though, so good luck."

Learning a language is certainly easier when you're young, but surely the definition of young in that context is more like under 10 than under 29. I squandered two very good chances at learning German and would lke to make up for that, but short of being parachuted into Germany and not meeting a single English speaker I doubt it'll happen.


- - -

Day 25
Make a million

A million what?

ES: "... or at least earn your age. Only the suited denizens of Canary Wharf and a few young Sugar-lings can hit the magic number so young, but hitting 30k by 30 has a nice ring to it."

Crikey. It would be great if I were earning £30,000 but not because I'm going to be thirty. It would be great if I were earning £30,000 because it would be great if I were earning £30,000. Should fortysomethings and fiftysomethings be expected to earn their age?

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