The Story Of A Charmless Man

So the story begins:
Ten years ago today I saw Blur play a gig at Birmingham's NEC and then reviewed it for the King Alfred's Sixth Form Chronicle, that's right I'm dredging up things I wrote at school. Stand by for What I Did On My Summer Holidays and My Favourite Animal Is...

Reading it back after all this time, I'm a little embarrassed by how condescending it is:


I went to see Blur with Elle Pullen on their Tenth Anniversary Singles Night Tour. When we got there we sat while a bad DJ mixed badly to a bored audience (if God is a DJ then I'm Hilda Ogden). As soon as he'd finished Blur came on, slowly we all stood, it was almost like a Mexican wave. To the opening of I Know (almost ironic because no one did) those that could jump, jumped and those that could mosh, moshed. She's So High, Blur's first ever single started after an introduction from vocalist Damon Albarn that used the 'word' um even more times than I did in my German Oral (which is saying something) and he explained the premise of the evening: to play their single releases in chronological order. There's No Other Way followed and everybody feeling things were going well, until they played Bang. It was terrible, a fact it seems, since they admitted it, but only after subjecting us to it.

Popscene was up next and was a Song 2 in the making and was probably better. For Tomorrow was my favourite song played that night since my favourites never made it to be singles. As soon as we peak we are brought crashing down again with Chemical World and Sunday Sunday with their annoying shared la la la la la chorus. The latter however is a wry and humorous take on how we spend our day of rest, a fact lost on the great majority of people watching who simply pointed at the screens and yelled "Ahhh! Cows."

The very same people breathed a sigh of relief when they heard Girls & Boys, their bafflement was over. As quickly as it had arrived it disappeared with To The End, a beautiful song, which is much better sung in the original French. Football chants welcomed Phil Daniels to the stage, as he yelled the introduction to Parklife to us. At a very poignant time of the year, they shared End Of A Century with us and it was a better millennial epic than Robbie Williams could ever dream of.

The chanters were back in force when Country House started, and when it finished The Universal started up to a great response. Stereotypes went down well despite the feeling that we were standing among some of the inspirations for it. Charmless Man was another success.

Things quietened down when Beetlebum was played, despite the nature of the lyrics. Then everything fell apart and the crowd went wild as the unmistakable beginning to Song 2 was played to bassist Alex James' obvious disgust. It seemed that the majority of the audience paid their £20 only wanting to hear 2 minutes of live music, but the sight of drummer Dave Rowntree's arms literally blurring during some impro is one that made this a great night. Damon's Jay Kay impression during On Your Own was lost on most. M.O.R. (Middle Of the Road) was very popular despite being a direct parody of the mainstream that the majority of the crowd seemed to hold so dear.

And now up to date with Tender, which featured the London Community Gospel Choir and is much better live. A gospel choir adlibbing is a great sight. Lead guitarist Graham Coxon sang the lyrics to Coffee & TV, but not before he'd said "we'll just miss this one out". Once again people pointed to the screens when the now famous milk carton appeared. No Distance Left To Run was a good song to end on, almost depressing enough to make it all worthwhile. As the band said their goodbyes and left, so did we.

The concept of playing your singles is not one that appeals to me, especially as my favourites are their lo-fi recordings like Look Inside America and Swallows In The Heatwave, but it seems too elitist and an attempt to pacify either record label bosses or the moronic single buying public (I can see that copy of Daphne & Celeste in your pocket) or possibly both. I did however enjoy it immensely and if I had to give it marks out of ten: I wouldn't. I will say 'It Were Good.'